Unexpected

I bet you didn't expect to see a new post ever? All 2 of my followers! HA! Proved you all wrong. And now for a short random short story that I am making up as I go, that has little to know basis in reality:

So, my name is Jack. I bet you didn't know that. Although that bet is null and void like a vacuum because I just told you my name. Anyways space is interesting, and vacuums make my brain hurt trying to understand them, so good thing I'm not going to write about them(anymore at least). Back on topic(if there is one). I went to see the panda bear exhibit and whatyaknow, the pandas changed their colors. Now they are black with white spots. I was rather surprised at this, and started writing a news story about it expecting to make millions of dollars. Then a car crashes into my building with a THUD! It was the pandas. They came to tell me I'm retarded and had my negative vision on when looking at them. I looked and realized I had now had the ability to switch between, Xray, Negative, normal, zoom, and bubble(don't ask) vision. The pandas then punched me in the face for being so dumb, and took my ability away. I was rather disappointed at this, and began to cry when I found a rock. The rock was talking! And then I said fuck you to the rock and he beat me. So the moral of this story is to never trust pandas, and don't insult rocks, especially when all this happens in a VACUUM!